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Actually I lied. This isn’t Halong Bay. Welcome to Bai Tu Long Bay – Halong Bay’s very close-by and (hopefully) less touristy cousin.

The ‘Descending Dragon Bay’ is a UNESCO World Heritage sight, famed for the incredible ~2000 Limestone islands that rise from the water. It almost doesn’t feel real – more like a set from Avatar, Jurassic Park or some sort of AI created image. (Although that might be because I spend too much time doom-scrolling). I half expected to see one of those Pterodactyl dinosaur birds swoop down to eat its seafood supper. According to Vietnamese legend, the dragons here guard Vietnam. Given the Jurassic feel, it really isn’t hard to see how they came up with this. Even our lovely guide with the surname ‘Long’ and who called himself ‘Little Dragon’ couldn’t tint this magical dream. The beauty of it all totally blew us away.

Also, since I mentioned seafood, given our junk boat specialised in it and we found out after boarding that you only had a set menu for every meal – we prayed daily to the food gods for the wellbeing of our stomachs.

Ha Long Bay has been a bucket list item waiting to be ticked off since I first saw it on Top Gear in 2008. Despite this and the obvious beauty, Emma and I were worried. We knew a few people that had done these boating tours and all of them either: got sick, were horrified by tourist overcrowding, poor boat conditions, poor water quality, unlucky with the weather or had hidden costs – you get the picture. It was on this basis that we went for a tour of the very nearby Bai Tu Long Bay.

Put simply, although this area was something we were never going to miss, it did feel like we may have been taking a risk. That said, for us at least, this risk brought some serious rewards:

We’d see our junk boat (Dragon Legend 2) from a distance during our various excursions. Also, in case you were wondering, a junk boat is a particular type of flat bottomed hull boat in Southeast Asia – it’s not been put together in some sort of Vietnamese scrapyard challenge (hopefully).

Our guides at Indochina seemed to be the only tourist group around this area and had some sort of deal with the fishermen who used a cave on this island.

Next excursion featured a kayaking lap of a couple of the islands. Emma and I were fastest of course. Little Dragon had to tell us off for going too far ahead. Not that we’re competitive or anything. Probably for the best that we were in the same kayak.

Our guide and the ship crew on the Dragon Legend literally couldn’t do any more for us. We had already mentioned my seafood allergy – of which I seemed to be the only one. We were also avoiding fresh fruit/salad and ice – known to be the biggest risks to our stomachs. The crew 100% understood the assignment directly adjacent to this. There was always a waiter hovering about ready to deliver me some sort of dish which he would always remind me ‘no seafood here sir’. He also noticed that we weren’t eating the salad, and started to hover around and make sure it was replaced with chips and ketchup. It also somehow resulted in Emma’s shrimp being delivered with some artistically spread ketchup. I imagine the chef died inside. We nearly died of laughter.

(No doubt we could have put the confusion right, I just came over all British and awkward about explaining clearly my confusing temporary diet requirements.)

A gift from the kitchen: Doves made from Radish and a Dragon made from Papaya. As Emma said, I’d like to see these guys do some pumpkin carving!

Our final excursion was out to the floating fishing villages and with a short tour in a few fishing boats:

We both agreed that this was one of the most incredible places we’d ever been to. We had no idea what to expect, but my goodness, did this jaunt deliver.

In case you happen to be trawling reviews for a good company like we were, the company was Indochina Junk.

The blend of traditional Vietnamese vibes and modernity was even more noticeable at the weekend. Large parts of the surrounding roads are closed off which made space for a rock concert that overlaid the scene below. I bet you didn’t imagine that music with this picture..

Part of the Temple of Literature – Vietnam’s first national university and founded in 1070. It features on the 100k Dong note and is a real cultural symbol. No shortage of students getting their graduation photos here!

Space is at a premium here. It seems pretty common for the locals to wheel their scooters into their living room. This car parked up in a clock store tickled me.

I never thought that badminton and football could be merged, however…

Hanoi’s ‘Beer Street’ is supposed to be a lively and social experience where seating is brought into the road, and you can sample some of the local craft beers. We thought it might be a little like an Eastern Oktoberfest.

‘Lively’ and ‘social’ it certainly was, but these adjectives aren’t quite enough – it’s also really quite a visceral experience. We even started to wonder if we’d wandered into a red light district (second video).

These are both long videos, but it gives a great feel as to what Saturday night life is like just a few minutes from our hotel in the Old Quarter.

On our first walk through this street, after Emma had passed through, a chap whispered into my ear ‘I got ladies ready for you’. On our return walk, the same chap again whispered into my ear ‘good weed follow me’.

Cheers boss. You clearly have a diverse business. I’ll give both of your offers a miss.

The streets of Hanoi are absolute carnage. Traffic lights are just a recommendation. Driving on the correct side of the road is optional. Scooters stick to the road – but only if there isn’t traffic. Its chaos. Thing is, like I’ve experienced in the past, when everyone just expects chaos – it actually kinda works. Nobody ever gets cross or upset, they just find a way to keep on scootin’.

Our next experience of Hanoi was a little different. Probably not one for any health and safety officials.

It’s a piece of train line that runs tightly between rows of houses just south of Hanoi train station. The city has become famous for its cafes along this stretch. It’s a unique view because the train passes within 1.5m of the doors of these houses. Seems like the perfect place to stick a plastic chair and have a cup of coffee right?

Well yes, as it turns out. This stretch is a instagram influencer smash hit – the view of a train coming down this bit of track is really quite famous. We arrived nice and early for a quiet experience, and our (absolutely wonderful) cafe owner really showed off her social media props and photography skills with us…

You really don’t want to stick your legs out when this is coming past.

The coffee was also stunning. The place was called ‘The House Coffee’ in case you happen to go there. Amusingly, when we ordered our Egg/Coconut coffees and crossiants, we were a little bit puzzled when she legged it northbound up the tracks away from us. Turns out she’d run out of croissants and ran to the shops to get us some more in time for the train to pass through. An amusing and wonderful experience.

Accidentally made an M&S advert with the egg coffee: